Ten things wrong with the world today

Ok. So where does one begin? There are so many things wrong with the world today, from famine, to wars, to murder and natural disasters. The list would be too long to cover so I’ve narrowed it down to 10 of the most serious things that is wrong with the world today.

This is called the Earth. It is round. It was discovered by Native Americans in 1776.

1) Women are allowed to drive.
Yup. Thanks to women insurance rates have gone up, deaths occur every year thanks to their inconsiderate and irresponsible drinking and driving, doing makeup in the car, and trying to give road head to their man sitting in the passenger seat to the right.

A women’s speedometer

2) Women’s equal rights movement.
So ungrateful even after we put an end to their suffering by ending the suffrage movement. So now by law, women are suppose to be considered equal to men, even though they get massive time off for being pregnant (as if it’s our fault), they are also suppose to be paid the same, and be considered for the same promotions. But obviously it’s not equal since women now have an advantage over us men, because not only are they considered for promotion because of these laws but they can still do it the traditional way, by wearing knee pads.

3) Women are allowed to vote
Great. We all know the end result of this. Women have this innate sense to want to nurture the weak and less fortunate. Women and the State of Texas (steers and queers) voted George W. Bush, who is clinically proven to be mentally retarded, into office because they felt it will help his self esteem and confidence and make him cooler then all the regular kids that teased him when he rode the short bus to school. They gave him a shiny medal and a lollipop and told him he is a very special boy.

Women, he’s all your fault.

4) Women are allowed to marry……other women.
Like a Picasso we can only look but can’t touch. Total crap.

Not fair at all.

5) Women creating flowers.
That’s right fellas. I know it’s hard to believe they are that devious and conniving. I don’t care what you say, I have discovered the fact that it was women who created Flowers many years ago. They all gathered around a round table and brainstormed different ways to make our lives miserable. One of those ideas was the evil idea of Flowers. It is their secret way of slowly owning our soul that we must give away one bit at a time as we toil for hours in a 4×4 cubicle to purchase these abominations in various shapes and sizes that die off after a few weeks, much like our livelihood.

And you wonder why we just throw money away at strippers.

6) Women can speak even when they’re not spoken to.
What in the world? How did they pull that fast one off? Back in the good ol’ days, women couldn’t speak unless they were spoken to. They had to walk 5 paces behind us, always bow their heads and not make eye contact, and always invite their hot friends over for a game of twister. Somehow one day, they secretly snuck up on us without us even realizing it. I mean, I had an inkling when I heard some incessant buzzing in my ear, I always thought it was me, but in fact it was a woman speaking. I know, I know, most shocking.

Resist the force, no one can

7) Women are allowed to speak what’s on their mind and we are to respect it.
Sorry, I can’t respect things on their mind when the only thing on their mind is “I need more shoes”, “How do I ruin him?”, “My feet hurt from all these shoes”, “There’s gotta be a way to get to him” , “This shoe will look great with my dress” , “Yes I figured out how to ruin his life” “Can you buy me some more shoes?” Who know what they’re planning in their minds?

Poor Toad.

8. Women always go first.
Now we definitely know they are the ones that created this stupid rule. It is not because they want us to be gentlemanly and open doors for them and pull out seats for them. It’s so they can be first through that door to the buffet line, grab a seat and devour their food.

Last time I let her through the door first.

9) We should respect women not for their bodies but for their mind.
What kind of selfish thinking is that? I should only be interested in their minds? This ain’t no buffet table, you can’t pick and choose. A woman should be respected for the whole package including both jugs.

Jugs of Beer that is. What else did you think I meant?

10) Women are the cause of natural disasters.
Women has been destroying the world for millions of years. We just haven’t figured it out until now. The flooding comes from them constantly eating and slobbering over their food, hurricanes are from their incessant talking and nagging, and earthquakes are when they walk around in their richter scale inducing high heels. Lightning strikes? That will be their death stares when you tell them the truth, that they are fat.

Women, the root of all evil

Yup. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate chicks, chicks rule, they make our world go round. It is women that are the root of all evil. They been winning arguments without reasoning, stealing our money to buy yet another pair of shoes, asking us what we think, but when we actually tell them it’s the fat that makes you look fat, they go homicidal!. Women, can’t live with them, can’t kill ’em with kindness. Unless……

Hello. My name is Kindness.