#6 Throw A House Party When Your Parents Are Out

Seeing as how I’m more grown up now, I probably won’t be throwing a house party when my parents are out in the literal sense. However back in 2004, I used to live with a roommate, the artist formerly known as “Big Baby Donuts” aka BBD, aka Matty Boom Boom, aka the Jolly Green Giant. Now BBD wanted to live in a nice clean house and had many rules just like a parent, and one of them is no parties. However when we finally kicked him out (he will tell you he moved out on his own but it’s our word against his. Sucker) we decided to finally throw a house party and have a guys night at my place . We grabbed some beers, set up the poker table, and hired some ladies of entertainment, we even had birthday celebration. All in one night. We had to do it up right for years of being held back by Matty Boom Boom.

Like a bunch of school boys eager for the peep show

Now before my female roommate left the house to go have her own girls night, she posted some explicit instructions on her door.

No Boys or Strippers

So what do kids normally do when parents tell them not to do something? You do exactly the opposite, so we made our Canadian Ballet Dancers dress up in her clothes and prance around her room while the boys rolled around in her bed.

I would wash these clothes out if I were you

Now the night was going great, and by this time the party had moved into the basement where we were enjoying the live entertainment. However one of the guys came downstairs with a note he found on the kitchen table. Now my memory is fuzzy so hopefully someone can remind me what it said but it was something along the lines of “You just got punked”. Now at the time I was living in Amherst, NY the safest city in America. I never locked my doors, sometimes when I come home and my door is locked I would panic and think the burglar was still inside and simply locked us all out. Anyways, so my roommate was having her girls night out and they decided to come back to the house and prank us by stealing a single pair of every guy’s shoe (I guesstimate they made off with about 20 shoes) and run off into the night with it. By then the night turned into guys putting on mismatching shoes and running out into the night in alcohol fueled rage to find the girls and reclaim their missing shoe. The best part was they also stole the stripper’s shoes as well. How they thought guys wear clear plastic 6 inch heels (Update 4/9/13: Actually Nike High Tops) is beyond me, and yes there is nothing more awkward then sitting around with two fully clothed strippers, chit chatting, and assuring them we will find their shoes and get it back to them.

Now obviously the roommate knows there’s gonna be retribution seeing as how her very own room was in the house she just committed the crimes against. So someone rewired her AIM (yes AOL Instant Messenger, it was the rage back then) so that every time someone instant messaged her it would say something like “I’m a stupid girl” (trying to keep this PG-13) . She also got her underwear and bras basically thrown around the house (Mhm, I do kind of feel bad about that one now). The guys eventually found the apartment where the shoes were hidden, and it was actually kind of funny because the girls tied all the laces together pretty tightly and formed a long train of shoes around the living room as well as putting peanuts in the shoes. I kind of wish I had a photo of that. What was probably not funny to them was the guys basically destroyed the apartment, they moved the kitchen table/chairs into the bathroom and setup the dining table there, stole all the light bulbs, change all the clocks for 5am wake up, and probably stole/broke/rewired a whole bunch of other things so it never worked after that.

It was an Epic night. I mean, I have to give it to the girls, they just pulled off a classic prank on us. On the day I moved out of that house two years later, we found more bras and underwear hidden behind the sofa. I miss the college days.